Our Lifes Incredible Journey

I promised a post before we head off to Indy for Zac's surgery and while the kids are munching their cookie crisp I thought I'd give it a try. The last several weeks have been rough here dealing with several trips to Indy a huge bought with the flu etc.. Zac has been going thru a real rebellion phase where he refuses to to coorperate with anything. I had held the record for most strong willed in my family for 30 years until Zac. This child can hold out for are you ready for this 17 hours!!!!! 17 hours was my limit and I finally gave in out of sheer exhaustion!!!! He refuses to take meds and will throw up everywhere if you even try. He gets car sick and so every trip he and I make to Indy ( 3 hours 1 way) is a match of wills for him to use the bucket in the car. I know this is the only control he has over life right now so I understand it but it's 6 clothes changes to Indy and back and I always run out of clothes. He won't take dramamine and you can not trick him either he knows instantly and results are see above. He is doing really well all things considering. Zoe is Zac's confidant and she tells me everything. He is so tired of Drs tests surgeries long trips in the car etc.... He and I had melt down last week trying to get out the door for another visit to the genetics clinic. He was screaming and throwing up I was crying frustrated and trying to get us out the door also not wanting to go, but the weather was bad and if you are late they will turn you away and 6 hours in the car for nothing was not going to happen. He and I sat on the floor in the bathroom crying. I told him I know you don't want to do this/ I don't want to do it either, we are both ready for this to be over. We have to do it though and we have to find it in us to get up and go through it together. I told him I will always be there at his side, and hopefully not much longer and we'll be at the other side. He hugged me and out the door we went. We were late for that appointment but mommy can throw a tantrum too and did. Zac went through all of that for the Drs to tell us what they told us on the phone 3 weeks before when I called. They still want to see him in 6 months because even though all the tests say normal they still think something is wrong and they think he is cognitively delayed. I had asked the dr couldn't this just be he was almost a twin and the spinal bifida? He said yes but we still want to see him periodically to monitor him. Ok please don't take this wrong, but WHAT! Everything is normal the child is speaking sentences and learning new words daily.... trying to learn new things and only has difficulty with trying to write or draw so far... Umm this is enough... we only went there because our pediatrician wanted someone experienced in older child adoption to look at him and help us figure out what the bumps on his head were. Can't we just let this go and if something later seems suspicious give you a call? Why put Zac through this pull him out of school spend lots of $$$ that could be better used than to spend 8 hours to see you for 3 min to say oh I just don't know lets look in 6 months again. The Neurosurgeon says Zac is doing very well and we'll see him every 6 months until he stops growing to check for re tethering of his spinal cord. We understand this and are thankful we have success. Why can't the other Drs just say his tests are all good if anything changes give us a call otherwise have a nice life? It is so frustrating because it is so hard to get to these appointments and they can't tell you a darn thing no game plan for his future no end in site and everything is normal with his genes.
I apologize for the rant this is just were we are....... God is with us and is giving us the extra umph we need to get through each day. Zac and I are just ready for this to all be over or more normal. Those who know me know I have to be in a routine and if it gets broken it takes me weeks to get back on track... I don't like to go far from home and I like to be in control of things. I am not unflexable and like to be spontaneuos but for the most part things are in order. The last 4 months there has been none of that and man you can tell it with the kids with everything and this spinning out of control is not fun to a type A person. I know when we get to the otherside and look back things will look very different, but right now it is beyond hard. Zac is truly amazing though and when I look at him I see a child who will defy logic and defy all the odds..... He is a rebel just like his mom only more so than I ever had the courage to be! Last night i think we had a big breakthrough when he came up to me and said " Mommy I Love you" I started bawling like a baby and he put his arms around me and said " Oh mommy it is ok shh it's Ok mommy" He's my hero and Oh how I LOVE THIS CHILD!!!!!
On Mark's birthday we came home from having dinner with his parents to find our baby of 11 years had passed away on the floor in the living room. Jasmine was our black lab we had gotten when we 1st moved into this house. She was our baby for 7 years and had been through so much with Mark and I. It's been 2 weeks and the kids ask everyday if GOD is done playing with her and can he please send her back. The house is way too quiet without her and man I didn't realize how much of the kids' food she ate. We Miss you Jasmine and you were the best dog ever!!!!!!
Tommorrow is the big day for Zac and his dad and I. I feel like a bull being put into the chute before his turn in the rodeo. No going back only out into that unknown no door of escape just forward. I have so much to do today and know I have to get it done but am so not ready thus the fight into the chute. I see the big picture out ahead I know GOD has big things up his sleeve I just wish he'd give us a fast pass and this could be over and not have to face anymore of this.
Ok I apologize for the whine fest. Thank you for the prayers, and encouraging words we will need them in the comming weeks. I am believing in miracles and miracle recoveries!!!!!!
Better move it the muskateers are finished with being sweet and quiet.........
Much Love